Dealing with Conflict, Negativity and Raging Egos
We all react to negative things …. whether it is something that someone said to us or an act they did against us. When we react to it, we are causing chaos within ourselves and mentally and physically creating pain inside ourselves. Perhaps you find it difficult to breath when you think of the person and the hurt inside yourself, your heart starts racing, or you get a pain in your gut and the feeling won’t go away.
When people treat others negatively, it is a true reflection of their own inner being. They express their negativity toward you because they are expressing their own inner negative and hurtful expressions. You just happen to be the one at that moment that they are attacking. The Ego loves conflict and drama. One minute they say complementary things to you and the next minute they are taking you down. This action feeds their Ego’s need for conflict and drama. It’s what keeps them going. It’s their oxygen. It is their dis-ease.
The cells of your body react to everything your mind thinks.
Don’t allow a negative thought to enter
and bring down your immune system.
Remember …. It’s NOT about you ….. it’s about THEM!
So, we respond impulsively and want to lash out at them because of what they said or did to us. That’s a natural response. However, it is not always the smartest thing to do. Nothing will ever be resolved by fueling their fire. It may feel good to fight back, but that is a physical, egoic response. That type of action does not feed our soul and emotional or spiritual stability. That only tightens the gut strings and then our mind starts a one sided conversation telling us things that we shouldn’t be thinking about them in the first place. It is truly a battle of our Ego. It is not only unproductive but it is unnecessary in trying to determine who is right. Anger only feeds anger just as negativity feeds negativity. And nothing good can come from angry and negative feelings and emotions. It’s a downward spiral in trying to defend ourselves. Not only that, it is a waste of our energy.
“Where attention goes, energy flows.”
“What we focus on expands.”
When we focus on negative things we are doing a disservice to our well-being and our intellect. We are wasting our energy that could be focused on our success and for the good of our selves and others. Once you start thinking negatively on one subject it will carry over to the rest of your life, causing hurt and damage to others that may be standing in your path. It’s like a domino effect. Not only do we not feel good but that vibration affects those around us. We carry this energy with us wherever we go and it causes us to lose sight of our balance and clarity which is necessary for our well-being and keeping our Ego in check.
“What you think of me is none of my business!”
Everyone has an opinion and they are entitled to it. They are free to express their feelings no matter if they are right or wrong about you. This perspective is their own. We may see something as totally positive and right and the other person may see it in an entirely different light. When we react to their comments or actions it becomes a win-lose situation. Just as they have the right to express themselves, we have the power to choose our response to them. We can engage in conflict or we can choose to walk away.
I choose peace!!
So ….. how do we deal with these difficult people that may be in our lives?
First of all, it rarely turns out well to attack these people who have hurt you. It is best if you sleep on it and not respond right away. We are all human and have Egos and emotions. In order to promote your own health and well-being we must keep our Ego in check. We may just need to walk away from the situation and not respond or we can deliver our message of truth and light to that person. No matter what, we need to keep our Ego under control and not allow a bad situation to get worse.
One thing to ask ourselves is, “Can I forgive this person?” We are all basically good inside but sometimes our judgment gets clouded with negativity and emotions take over our thoughts and actions. We might also ask “What is the Universe trying to teach me in this moment?” Let us not forget that this could be the Universe’s way of showing them their Awakening. We certainly don’t want to stand in the way of their enlightenment.
The best thing to do is to allow some time to pass even though you feel compelled to instantly lash back at them. When you become emotionally charged and fired up you only add fuel to their fire. Perhaps this is what they want. But this is not what you want. Allow a cool off time. Write in your journal or write an email to yourself expressing your feelings and then delete it. You could also write down all the things about this person or situation that annoy you and are causing you to be this emotional. Write freely without stopping util you have exhausted the subject Now go outside and burn the paper. Let it go!! Visualize all the negative energy burning up and disappearing.
When we are angry and emotional our Ego is raging. Before doing anything, cool off. Don’t act in haste. Instead, nurture yourself from within. Sleep on it. Journal. Meditate. Get out into Nature and think on these things.
Perhaps you choose not to respond to them at all. Really, how much does it matter to your success and well-being, physically, mentally and spiritually? Do you really need to be right? What’s in it for you to be the champion of an argument? This is all unnecessary.
If you choose not to respond, you are, in essence, stopping the cycle. They may be trying their best to get a rise out of you and hurt you further, but it is your choice to “Let it Go!” Don’t give in to what they are looking for. Stop the snowball effect and walk away.
And stop talking about it. People just love to tell others a “he-said-she-said” story. They will talk at length to anyone that will listen. The more we talk about the situation or that person, the more emotional feelings we stir up within ourselves and the more we find fault, dislike for that person or situation and it does us no good to keep repeating the same thing over and over. What we fail to notice is that the more we talk about it, the more it expands, zaps our energy and keeps us from seeking what the Universe wants for us. Refuse to give them that energy. Stop thinking and talking about it. Period!
When we continue to talk about it, it is like reading the same chapter of a book over and over.
Instead, develop compassion for this person. We all know the story about walking a mile in someone’s shoes. Better yet, look for the lessons. Everything happens for a reason. This is how we grow and become a better human being. There is a hidden gift in every circumstance and situation that you encounter in your life.
You can’t live a positive life with a negative mind!
That being said, move on …. eliminate negativity from your life. It does not serve you. It only slows you down. It is a drain on your energy and intelligence. It drains your emotions and leaves you feeling weak and unfulfilled. It is best to cut them off from your life. Life is too short to be in constant battle with negativity. People who are unhappy tend to want everyone around them to feel the same way. Get out of their way and continue on your journey of happiness. Avoid them and stop all interactions with them.
This is your choice.
You can choose to continue a relationship or you can walk away. Wash your hands of the energy drain and cut them out of your life. Don’t look back. Surround yourself with people who support and nourish you, people who love and need you in their lives. Find people that are positive and optimistic and spend time with them. Notice how much differently you feel when these type of people fill your moments.
When we get angry and act like that person, we are going down to their level of unacceptable behavior. Know when you are having emotions of negativity and then reach out to someone who will support you, unconditionally. Don’t allow emotions and negativity to consume you. You can bring focus to these situations by checking in with your breathing. If you breathing is shallow and fast, stop and focus on what you are thinking. Change your pattern. You can do this by going for a walk in Nature, exercising or stopping to meditate and concentrate on your breathing.
Ask yourself: What will happen if I respond back to this person? What is the worst thing that could happen? What is the best thing that will happen? These questions will add perspective to your thinking and actions. Answering these questions honestly, with thought and purpose, will help create an inner peace and lead you to the answers.
Let it be!
And so it is!
The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin
The Power of NOW by Echkart Tolle
The New Earth by Echkart Tolle
Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain
Stand Like Mountain Flow Like Water by Brian Luke Seaward, Ph.D.
Happy for No Reason by Marcie Shimof
Emotional Freedom by Judith Orloff, M.D.
About the photo: Sunset on Redondo Beach, CA.